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|  Being An Artist Is Not Easyby Reconsiderate Feb 28, 2008 At the moment, my life sucks. It's in total disarray, consisting of a handful of unrelated activities completely filling my schedule to the point that I cannot even read a simple book for recreation. In the long run, I'd like to bring more of my activities together, united under a single theme, but... well, at this point that's little more than a hope I've got for the future.
Here's a sample script for my typical day:
Me:
Rise and shine. I sure am glad that I have to get up and go to work hours earlier than my body wants to. But I need money. I can't live without it! So, off to work I go.
Me in my car:
La la la. Music is fun. Thinking about stuff in silence is fun too. And you know what's even more fun? Tons of traffic! And boy, do I love it when I sit in gridlock for a fucking hour, only to find out that there was absolutely nothing holding us up! No accident, no 3 lanes merging into one, nothing! Boy, oh boy. I love the human race.
Me at my office:
Ah, time to sit down and do my job. I have skill sets X, Y and Z, so today should go smoothly.
My boss:
Good morning, soldier. Time for you to do jobs A, B and C.
Me at my office:
What? I have skill sets X, Y and Z. I can't do jobs A, B and C.
My boss:
Hm. That does make sense, doesn't it? Ah, well. We can't make sense all the time, can we? Do jobs A, B and C.
Me at my office:
Grumble.
And then 8 hours go by.
Me at my office:
Time to leave. Uh oh! Gotta stay for another hour. Strict deadlines on this project that I'm working on but know nothing about. Fortunately, I haven't got a single person to lend me a hand, so I've got to do it all! Hooray!
And then another 3 hours go by.
Me in my car:
Vroom vroom. Traffic. Yay.
Me getting home at 10:00 at night:
Okay, now that I've handled all the stupid bullshit I need to handle, I can start doing the things I want to do. Oh, wait. It's time to go to bed. Fuck.
And that's more or less the jist of it. Other good things about my life include the fact that I'm constantly paying more for gas than anyone should have to pay, and so my budget is so tight that I'm teetering on actually spending more in a month than I make. And that's awesome. And the fact that I lose a third—A FUCKING THIRD—of my paycheck to taxes that don't seem to be doing much of anything at all for me... well, that's just the icing on the cake.
I love my life. It freakin' rules. You definitely wish you were me.
But, it's not all bad. I do have weekends, during which time I need to worry about the fact that I have this ridiculous job to do. So that's pretty cool. And, in all seriousness, I do manage to find my way to the dojo a few times a week to pretend like I'm beating the hell out of my stupid life. So there actually is a little bit of time for me to do fun things that I'm genuinely interested in...
But you know what I'm really interested in? Art. Music. Creative expression in general. To me, there's no endeavor more worthwhile than sitting down and really expunging every single little aspect of my subjectivity, completely purging all of the associated mental and emotional baggage, and openning up a doorway into what I believe should follow next. It's the ultimately high, the greatest rush of absolute, unrestrained power and I couldn't possibly live without it.
Too bad my day job doesn't feel the same way.
So what is an artist to do? How is one to cope with the barren desert that is modern society? Certainly, one must find a way to clear space for one's creative pursuits. If it means surrendering all social contact whatsoever and living in your studio like a hermit during your free time... well, believe me, you wouldn't be alone in making that decision. But what about this fanciful idea of spending all 168 hours per week working on your art, rather than doing it in whatever little time you've got left over after your day job sucks up everything else in your life? Well... if you find the answer to that, please drop me a line and let me know how. I really would like to do it for myself in my life. But it seems that that's just a fantasy.
By definition, this world simply isn't set up for artists. The task of an artist is to help create a world that doesn't yet exist on earth; it exists exclusively in the artist's imagination, in his unique vision. Artists are the mechanism by which the universe realizes the future. And it is absolutely necessary that each individual artist experience the universe exactly as it is, fully engulfed in all of its horrors and plagued by feelings of frustration with what should be, but currently is not. This is the only way for the artist to get in touch with his raw materials (ie the world as it is), so that he may subsequently spin them into the perfect dream world as only he can.
So hang in there. It isn't easy being creative. And that's probably the reason why so few people are. | |
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